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Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-25108925-20141007235753
In regards to my posts the other day: I'm sorry if I worried any of you about all of that. I am having an unbeliavably hard time at home..now back with school, and within my own mind. But, as you proabaly all know, I've (recently) been seriously, seriously considering committing suicide.. And a lot would say that's kind of a selfish move on my end, and yeah, I've realized that it could be. I have a lot of issues. A lot that probably none of you know about, and I don't know how I'm supposed to fix them. I'm tired of dealing with my faults, looking in the mirror and despising what I see. Tired of living life knowing very well that I'm going to go nowhere, especially with this self-esteem of mine. The only thing really holding me back from this is my intense lack of motivation to do anything at all. I want to do it so badly...but I know I can't. I've tried pretty much everything I can do for myself to get better. Being gone from school and then coming back to an overwhelming amount of work is really becoming unbearable..and I don't know if I can find an outlet for me to....I don't know, put my stress toward? If that makes any sense? Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of things are better off without me, as it has been proven with my social life. A lot of the friends I had before I left, I thought they would've stuck by my side..but it turns out that they've obviously moved on without me and don't need me anymore. Same goes with the teams I've been on. I've quit both of the ones that I'm on, and it's apparent that I was never needed at all. And honestly, I'm beginning to question my use here. Not saying that everyone here doesn't make me feel welcome, but I just, I can't seem to find my niche anymore. I've lost that feeling for pretty much everything I've been a part of these last few months. I don't think that I have anything to live for anymore, since I've lost pretty much everything valuable to me in my life. And I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that this is the time for my departure. A lot of this has to do with my own personal issues. And a lot of it also just has to do with me worrying about being a burden to the community and whatnot. My lack of motivation and my incredible decrease in self-esteem has really damaged me significantly and I just don't want to have to bring that negative energy to all of you people. You're all wonderful and I just believe that a community like this would be better off without a thorn in its side like me. I've cherished the times I've had here, for sure. I've met some truly amazing people. People that have changed my life for the better, people who have taught me the value of friendship, love, trust, and everything. Maybe I'll return some day, I don't know. A lot of shit in my life right now is really just too much..and I'm completely lost as to what I should do. I might be on Skype, but I'm not sure..if people still feel like talking to me or not.I think that I've caused a lot of my relationships with people to kind of become distant and it just hurts so much..but it's all my fault. I'm sorry. But I guess this is goodbye.